Everything, in my life, is unfolding as it should, I suppose.
No, I believe! I am sitting here, on a bitterly cold Friday, feeling the warmth of a blanket but also of my surroundings. And I think, “how did I get here?”
Hard, emotional bumps; heck, some of those bumps were not bumps at all, they were real honest to God mountains! My wall carries photos of those mountains as a reminder with the quote that says
“Promise me you will always remember…you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
It’s a quote from Christopher Robin to Pooh.
I sit today, looking out a patio door at a woods filled with deer and the message of the deer is to
“Be gentle with yourself”
I try. I try. Yet, I carry, with me, baggage. A friend of mine, from long ago said “Everyone has their own bag of shit.” It was the bluntness of that comment, I guess, that sticks with me to this day and I’ve even heard my daughter pass that bit of wisdom on to others as well. And so, it is. I am not special. My baggage is not heavier than your’s but I am trying to find a way to carry it so that the weight is distributed evenly, I think.
Yet, at this moment, on this day…
I look around me and I feel so “guided”. I think that’s the best word. You know all those times in life when you feel like you are truly being tested? And, you know that you will choose a path. You have to! So many times, I felt as though I had chosen the wrong path but, there I was, so I had to deal with it. Now, as I reflect back, I see that it was a test. But, I also, feel, now in retrospect, that I heard of voice.
People call it an “inner voice”
It was that voice that gave me strength, power, decisiveness, resilience, and belief in myself. It was that voice that guided me down those paths that felt so wrong. It was that voice that guided me here.
And so now, I sit here, listening to music by Jonathan Louis called “Follow The Path”; beautiful meditative music that leaves me feeling so blessed at this moment. I look around me, at this little apartment and
I study the view from my chair
- On one wall, I have a collage of photos that I captured from my walks in woods. Those walks helped me learn how to take deep breaths and stay focused on the moment. Messages surrounded me as I learned how to just listen to that inner voice.
- The patio door faces that woods and delights me every day with views of life, even on the coldest, snowiest days. The deer pass by daily and cardinals are ever present at the feeders.
- My “mountain” photos will always be on a wall and serve as a reminder that nothing, in life, comes without struggle,
- But underneath those photos stand other messages, as well, to remember to be gentle with myself (from the deer) and life is as colorful and creative as you make it (from the cardinal).
- And then, there are the photos of the people I love most in the world with a little sign that says “You Make Me Happy When Skies Are Grey”. They are my life, right now, and I am so thankful for them.
- The last place that my eyes rest on, every day, is a table (an old high school typing table) with the exact typewriter used by my mother, not only during her high school class but throughout her life as she creatively captured the moments of her life. Next to her typewriter stands an owl. She always gave me owls. She decided that I was her “wise old owl”. I think it was because my mother and I never got along that I rejected this as an actual compliment. I never kept her gifts of owls and, yet now, when I have the ability to place only the things of most importance to me in this room, there sits an owl next to her typewriter. It is my way of saying “Thank you” to her for being so important in making me the person I am today.
And I think, right now, as I sit here alone,