“Let Go. Let God”

These words pop into my head every single time I find myself in one of those places where I feel as though there is nothing more I can do.

I am a strong person.  I try to take care of myself.  But sometimes…

It’s Not Up To Me

Sometimes, there are no clear answers, no clear path.  It’s at this moment when I take my hands off the steering wheel.   You know the song “Jesus Take The Wheel“.  Well that’s where I’m at right now. And, I know that I could have done this earlier.  I don’t need to try to control everything so much.  Things will turn out the way they are supposed to turn out.

No Dammit!

I don’t believe that God intended for us to just lay back, throughout life, just waiting for divine intervention.  We have a job to do.  We have choices to make.  This life is crafted by our choices. And so I have a choice right now but here’s the deal…my moves over the next few days are controlled by another.  They’ve been controlled by another for a few weeks now…because I made a choice!  Isn’t that interesting?  How many times do we give our freedom to someone else to hold and then lament our lack of freedom, throwing our arms up in the air saying “There’s nothing I can do about it. It’s out of my control.”

NO DAMMIT! I always have a choice!

But Right Now, I Can’t Breathe

Right now, right at this moment, my stomach hurts.  I have no words to form into a cohesive choice. Right now, I just need to close my eyes and let it go.

I need your help on this one God.  I need your help. Show me the way.  Give me the words to say. Help me make this choice.

And Before You Know It…

I will find myself on the other side.  I will have survived!  I didn’t die!  I’ll be reflecting back at it all and thinking…everything turned out just the way it was supposed to.

God, you’re good at this.  Thank you!

The Stress Of Moving

Dr. Wayne Dyer, in his book “I Can See Clearly Now” wrote about ending each day by thinking about all the positive things that happened during that day instead of leaving the day with anger or frustration.  He called it “Now I lay me down to sleep”.  He talked about how if we fall to sleep thinking about everything that went wrong with the day, it negatively affects our sleep. So then it’s logical that if our thoughts are the opposite – all the good things that happened during the day – then we can enter into sleep with a positive sense of peace and then it’s peaceful thoughts that fill our dreams.

The Stress Of Moving

Develop A Plan

You know, I’m a teacher at heart.  I like having a lesson plan.  So, when I entered into buying a house I had a plan.  And, everything was going according to that plan.  Then, I actually was able to move up the closing date which gave me extra time to make the house just perfect before I moved.  So, I set in on arranging to have the walls painted, the floors refinished, and electrical work done with time to spare so that I could actually move some things in early.

Gather Necessary Resources

And in the beginning, everything was on track.  I have a niece who agreed to paint walls. My daughter’s brother-in-law could fit me in to do the electrical work and I found someone who not only agreed to refinish the floors  but also offered to install a pocket door over a pantry and add a closet at the front entrance.  I was so excited that I came straight from the closing and started pulling up carpet.

I gathered packing boxes and did research on the cost of my top priority items.  I then laid out a time table with the amount of time I had available, bought the paint, ordered the pocket door and scheduled it for pick up and kept working on that carpet.  My hands and arms ached from pulling staples but I didn’t want anything to slow down all these great people who had so willingly found time in their schedules to fit me in.

Thrilled is an understatement.

Carry Out The Plan

I’ve been packing for a month, here and there.  I like to take my time with things; clean things up, get rid of things, sort things into the right box so unpacking will be easy. And, I take care of grandchildren so I can’t pack nonstop.  I like it paced out slow and easy.

Each of my “sub-contractors” checked in with dates and times when they would arrive to begin their work.

My plan was humming along.

Be Flexible

Now I’m going to tell you that not everything always goes according to plan.  Every teacher knows that and adjusts. Still, it’s hard not to get frustrated and anxious.  Will everything get done on time?  Not everything is getting done as fast as promised. My time to get some things in ahead of time is running out. Still I keep moving forward.  Time to order the refrigerator and microwave.  This is exciting.  It can be delivered on Saturday.  Can I be there on Saturday?  Absolutely!

Be Gentle With Yourself And Others

Saturday comes.  The kitchen is in disarray.  The stove had to be moved out of the way.  It was sitting in the middle of the floor. Chunks of drywall and wood needed to be bagged and pulled out of the way from the pocket door work. The wall where the refrigerator will go needed to be painted.  The floor needed to be cleaned. I didn’t have the microwave there early enough to have it installed by the electrician. He had everything else done.  I should have ordered it sooner.

My niece came to paint the wall even though there was an impending weather event.  She got as much of the kitchen painted as she could before I forced her to leave before the roads got bad.

The refrigerator was delivered…damaged.  They didn’t even take it off the truck.  The microwave that I ordered is too big for the space.  It needs to be returned as well.

The pocket door is half done, the floor refinishing is waiting, the front closet is waiting, and I still have more staples to pull!

I looked around at everything disheartened and so I just turned and left.

End The Day With Positive Thoughts

“Now I lay me down to sleep.”  Let’s see.  How can I end today on a positive note?  Easy.

Dear God,

I want to thank you for Rhonda (the painter).  Do you know she came today even though she knew the roads could get bad early.  She came because she had promised. Then when she left, she even loaded her car with excess carpet remnants to free up space in the garage.

Then there is all that electrical work.  Rick (the electrician) had someone cancel this past week so he was able to come both Tuesday and Thursday.  He has taken special care to make sure my house will have the right outlets.  No more extension cords. The outlet is ready for the microwave when I get the right one. He even said that he would come back next week to add an additional outlet on a wall in my new office just so I can add the right kind of light next to a chair.

Earlier in the day, I got to attend a music class with my grand-daughters.  It is the best hour of each Saturday.  Happy little kids.  Proud parents and grandparents.  It always leaves me feeling blessed.

And then, when I locked up the house for the day, I drove to Best Buy where I had ordered the refrigerator and microwave.  I asked to talk to a supervisor (a suggestion from my daughter).  I told him the whole story – the refrigerator came damaged, the microwave was too big… He could hear my frustration.  He said, “Let’s start at the beginning.  Let’s talk about the microwave.”  So I said that I clearly ordered the wrong size.  It will look gigantic over the stove and hang way too low.  He then broke into this little smile and said “You know we have this new microwave design.  I haven’t even put it out on the shelf yet.  It’s that new.”  It’s 10 inches shorter than the other one and will fit fantastically in my kitchen.  Then he said that we would have to reorder the refrigerator and make things right (with the price) because of my inconvenience. I left pleased.

After thinking through all the positive things that happened over the past days, I fell asleep at peace.

And I Slept Like A Baby

Is everything going smoothly and perfect.  No. But, there are lots of things that are going well. Regardless, in thirteen days I will be moving in.  Ready or not, here I come. And I am going to trust that everything will actually get done on time…maybe with a little time to spare!

No Pictures Yet! No One Needs To See Chaos 🙂

 

Finding My Way Home

It’s Taken A Lifetime

I bought a house this week.

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It’s not the first time I’ve owned a house but it is the first house I have owned alone.  I don/t think I was ready to own a house alone … until now.

Now the reality of that hit me the morning after.  It snowed over night and while I was sitting, leisurely writing in my journal, all of a sudden my brain exploded with this thought –

Oh Shit, I own a driveway!

Luckily, the sun took care of the snow this time.

In the past, I bought a house with someone else.  I didn’t feel the weight of all the details like I feel them now.  And, it occurred to me, as I was going through each step towards this purchase, that I feel like I kind of know what I’m doing.  All the times before, maybe I was being prepared to do it this time alone.

This Calls for a Celebration

Along the way, people  really did want to help.  Still, I felt as though this was a “Do I, don’t I?” moment that belonged to me alone.  When I made the decision, it became simple…just take one step at a time. And, just like that, one step after another, there I was driving away from the closing with keys in my hand. And there was that feeling again:  I realized that I had just completed this process by myself – no realtor, no one sitting next to me while I signed that two inches worth of paperwork. How many times did I sign my name?  I lost count. By the end of it all, my hand was shaking. But it was my name, just my name.

Then I was ready to share the moment with someone.  So I drove to my new home.  I parked the car in my driveway and then I walked next door…to my daughter’s house!  She was ready to celebrate with me.

Cheers, Grandma

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Champagne for me.  Orange juice for the grand baby.

We had a moment.

A woman to woman moment.

We can do anything we put our mind to, little girl.

Anything!

 

But Now It’s Time To Get To Work

Ok, so while I got a little help with that snowfall, there are more projects that I have to tackle before I actually move in.  I have a window of time and it was my daughters who both said that I’d regret it if I didn’t get the floors refinished prior to moving in. They’re right.  The floors are beautiful hardwood floors, downstairs and upstairs but the upstairs had been covered with carpet.  I’ve never pulled up carpet before but I did find someone who can refinish before my move in date as long as I get that carpet up. So, armed with a new sharp razor, I set to work.

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I mean, how hard can it be to cut carpet, roll it up and sweep the floors afterward?

My first clue should have been the guy at the hardware store who said that pulling up carpet was one of the worst jobs he’s ever had to do.

Well, let’s just say that I earned my first blister from this job but, after two days, I am nearly done with my first homeowner job.

Here’s what I learned from this task:

  1. carpet holds a ton of dirt
  2. good sharp razors are necessary
  3. get a good staple puller
  4. you will also need  a small crowbar to get under the tack strip and to remove the nails.
  5. and buy a pair of gloves!!!

So far, I have removed two rooms of carpet and feel like a bit of an expert as I round the corner on room number three.

Luckily, it won’t be long and I will be turning the baton over to experts to sand the floors and paint the walls. I’m sore and tired and it’s only been two days.  This is going to be some adventure.

Stay tuned.