Being A Mom – In Charge

It took a whole lifetime to realize that my mom wasn’t angry at me. She was angry at life, her life. Forced to carry out established rules. Who made those rules?

Confined

Raised Catholic, she followed the dictates, listened to male priests deliver “the word of God”, attended church every Sunday and Holy Day, recited memorized cadences that begged Mary to “pray for us sinners” over and over again. Marriage was an expected role till death and children as many as God would provide. My mother did not have room to explore or dream or experience anything outside of her cage. Never free to roam, she lived in confinement.

Then the Gate Opened

From her enclosure, she watched as the next generation stepped freely through the gate. Screaming “Get back. Get back”, she was scared and tried to stop me. I went anyway, rejecting life in a coop. She stood at the fence watching with tears, and anger, and resentment. She’d wanted to explore too. She was told “No”. Why didn’t she just go? Something held her back. Fear, obligation, tradition, male domination kept her from leaving.

Charged Up

Fueled by our mother’s resentment and anger, my generation of women charged into the workforce, demanded our own credit cards, insisted that our name on health insurance cards not Mrs. Husband. Then we entered motherhood our way as well, controlling the number of children. Raising those children while working a job, balancing both sometimes alone but teaching our children to believe in the right to choose.

But Wait!

Now a body of people, deemed “Supreme” think they can take choice away. I fought hard for the right to leave that cage. Someone is trying to fence us in again.

Now I Understand

She was not angry at me.

Painting With Words

My Creation Station

I have been having fun with a poetry group during this pandemic. Writing one or more poems a week is a good challenge. Throughout the election and the painful weeks leading up to and including the Inauguration, January 20, 2021, many of my poems spoke of fear and anger and frustration. Then, along came Amanda Gorman with her beautiful, bright, truthful but optimistic poem “The Hill We Climb”, and our group was lit on fire!

I Started To Write – Really Write

First I wanted to write a poem like her’s. I wanted it to tell a story. I listened to how she read that poem over and over again and marked up my printed version with hashmarks every time she took a breath. Then I’d practice reading her words out loud, breaking where she broke, running one sentence into another, pausing to emphasize certain words and I realized that hearing the poem, hearing her read it, made the poem come alive!

Hearing The Words

Hearing the words of the poem sounded so much different/better than simply trying to read the words. And I realize that has been what our poetry group has been for each other. We write then we read it out loud to the group. We can emphasize, pause, and then reflect on the poem when finished. It’s magical!

Now WordPress Had A Podcast Version

So there I was, scrolling through my emails when I see one from WordPress saying that I could easily turn anyone of my blogs into a podcast using Anchor. Now, I’m a curious sort of person so I had tried Anchor once before thinking it would be fun to join the podcast craze but I didn’t last long. But now, the idea of marrying my poems with a podcast seems absolutely perfect. So I’m going to give it a try with this week’s poem(s).

WordPress, if this works, I will be a very happy blog/podcast aspiring poet!

Photo by Markus Winkler on Pexels.com

Saying “Yes” To Your Life

How many times have you been told “No” and you allowed that simple word to stop you?

Over my many years, I have entered into areas where someone thought I didn’t belong.

Going to college. Getting a divorce. These are two that leap to my consciousness right now. There were many smaller events as well. Little things that told me that I was not worthy of having that thing, going that direction, being with that person. Well intentioned people who tried to block my life from happening. I have done it, as well, to others, I have to admit. Somehow thinking that we know better how someone is supposed to play out their life’s journey keeps us busily away from seriously focusing on our own.

Rules, Protocols, Traditions, Beliefs

There are all these rules, protocols, traditions, beliefs along your journey that you feel obligated to uphold. And so you do… until some defining moment when something stronger intervenes. It’s a pull, a push, a strong sensation that no matter what others think or believe, you are destined to do something different. And while others are shouting “No, No, No”, there is a stronger voice that’s louder; “It’s time. It’s time. It’s time.”

It’s Time!

It’s these times, when you go against all logic, all learned behavior, all past traditions, and you follow destiny. These are the moments when you accept YOU. Not someone else’s vision of you but you, the one unique being that God created you to be. And, later, while looking in that rear view mirror, you are somehow surprised! How did I get here? How was I so fortunate? How did I manage to make this happen?

It was destiny’s push that filled your brain with a positive message. Words that strongly repeated “Yes, I can!”, while others were saying “No.”

“Yes I Can”

Words of confirmation: “I am capable”. “I am smart.” “I am worthy!” Marching orders. Repeat them. Shout them out loud as you put one foot in front of the other and move…forward!

I Have One Life

And it belongs to me. I have been put on this earth to carry out some mission. I am unique just like you are unique. My mission was predetermined before I was born. I believe that I have spent most of my life trying to figure out what that mission actually was supposed to be. It’s taken me a lifetime to realize that I had choices every single step of the way. And it has been those choices that either held me back or opened me up to the life I am supposed to live.

So Begin Today

Today, I will begin. I will say “Yes” to my life as it unfolds. I will not throw up barriers. I will not let fear or judgement close doors that were presented for me to open. It’s never to late to say “Yes” to your life. It’s never too late.

I am capable!

I am smart!

I am worthy!