photography – Begin Again

This Is A Story About A Robin…But You Have To Wait For It!

No, I’m not going to mention this robin right now. Wait for it.

First, I need to share this:

Yesterday was one of those days; an incredible day that ended with me feeling as though I had real purpose.

It started simply enough with me taking my brother to a doctor’s appointment. It wasn’t any simple appointment though. He was to be scheduled for quadruple bypass surgery. The doctor’s office is in an area unfamiliar to my brother so I offered to meet him halfway and drive him in. The first road was blocked with a bridge out. He instantly panicked but luckily I knew a different route. He was thankful, at that moment, for me. The appointment had a twist. We thought we were to schedule surgery, instead he needs to return to meet, first, with another cardiologist. They have to make his heart strong enough for surgery. My brother has a bit of a short fuse, so luckily I was there to keep everything calm. Then, as we tried to set up a schedule for this additional doctor, I felt that the directions had been listed wrong. I was right! He needed a “heart failure” cardiologist not just a regular cardiologist. It was because I had taken notes during our meeting with the surgeon that I was able to catch this and get it checked out and corrected before we made an unnecessary trip in to the wrong doctor. My brother was safely delivered back to our halfway meeting point and he was calm. My duty was done and he was very thankful. I was pleased.

Second Story:

Then, my sister called. She’s been living through several tough years. She hates her job, also has heart issues, and just recently went through breast cancer surgery. Through all of this, she has had a dream of running her own business; a shop of up-cycled treasures. Last summer, we worked together to try it out by setting up displays at flea markets. That worked well enough but made her tired and disappointed. Still, the spring warmth and sunshine has her longing to try again. With her energy level low, I’d offered to drive to her home every Saturday (75 minutes away) to help get things ready. Then she hears that someone has a booth at an antique mall and would like to split the cost with her. I jumped at the chance to encourage this. “I’ll split the cost with you”, I say. Still it took two weeks before she contacted her friend and followed through with signing a 6 month lease for her half. I was there again this Saturday to price some items and take them over this last Saturday. She begins placement of her treasures and I could see that she was in her happy place. She has an eye for design. She started immediately rearranging the items already there, placing them in ways that compliment their value and then started placing hers. In a little over an hour, we were done and she was pleased. But it was yesterday when she called that there was actual joy in her voice. She had returned to her booth to place a few more items. The owner made a special point of telling her how nice the booth looked. She told her more than once. My sister mentioned it to me five times during our conversation. She then shared a story about this job that she hates. She’s been moved back to the deli area; the area that she had said was way too hard on her. Today she was super busy. Why? Because people are glad she’s back! She was overjoyed! Her hate for the job replaced with a new sense of value. I ended this conversation feeling as though I maybe had a bit of role in moving her towards her dream. She was happier than I have heard her in years. And I smiled.

Third Story And This Is Where The Robin Comes In:

I was sitting down, ready to eat and the phone rings yet again. I see who’s calling and my instinct was to ignore it and go on with my dinner. Instead, I answered. “Jane, you’re my bird lady. You have to help me. There is this robin that has been flying into my window all day long. What is wrong with this bird?” I tell her what I know about this kind of bird behavior but truthfully she really just wants to tell me how frustrating it all was and how she’s tried everything to make it just stop. Then she changes topic a bit and tells me how upset she’s been lately with her life and how she even prayed to God to send someone to help her. At that point, I said that maybe the robin was trying to get a message to her and while she continued to share her despair, I looked up the spirit message of the robin and then stopped her and said, “This is the message from the robin.”

If Robin has flown into your life;
Robin signifies stimulation of new growth and renewal in many areas of life. He teaches that any changes can be made with joy, laughter and a song in your heart. This bird shows you how to ride the winds of passion within your heart and become independent and self reliant through this change. The energy of this bird will teach you how to move forward with grace, tenacity, perseverance and assertion. Are you letting go of personal dramas? Ones that no longer serve your higher purpose? Are you exercising compassion and patience in mental, spiritual and emotional areas? This creature will teach how to incorporate new beginnings with faith and trust in the process. It is time to believe in yourself and use the inspiration that is given. Listen carefully. It is time sing your own song for a new period in your life.

When I finished, I waited for a response and instead heard silence. I was worried that I had gone too far. Perhaps she wasn’t interested in the possibility of animals sending messages to her. But instead, she said, “You have no idea how amazing it is to hear that right now and let me tell you why.” She went on to share how so many things have been out of order in her life for the past months, how she had just told her husband that she needed to do something to change it, to bring back the joy in her life, to find her way back to taking care of herself, how she needed to back away from trying to be everything to everyone else. And then she spoke of how much she missed our time together at the gym we had belonged to and I agreed. We had been healthy and strong and we had both been away from that for too long. We made a plan to meet tomorrow to get some exercise. And then she said, “Well, I asked God to send someone to help me and I never thought it would be a bird!” And she laughed. I smiled and then said, “Maybe God sent me.”

I went to bed last night with a happy heart.

Never Leaving Home

I left a place that I called “home”
But realized that “home” is not a place at all.
A place is rooms with carpeted floors
A box with windows and paint on the wall.
A “home”, on the other hand,
Is much more than that.
A “home” is pictures, and gifts,
and stories from your past.
A “home” is the collection of treasures
from your children’s younger days.
Those things they wanted kept safe
When they moved away.
A “home” is those stubborn plants
that survive!
They must want to be with me.
They’re still alive!
“Home” is a typewriter,
an old-fashioned pair of shoes,
a harmonica, a magazine rack;
things I could never bear to lose.
“Home is all those things
that I was willing to pack and carry away.
Then, quickly take them out, place them around me.
And then I realize
“Home” never moved away.

I Want To Ask, But I Don’t Want To Know

Journal Entry July 21, 2015  

Part four of how Morning Pages(my journal)helped 
me process through a change.

I want to ask but I don’t want to know or rather, I’m afraid to know the answer. Are they or are they not moving away? I don’t know. To me no news is good news?!? I feel like I’ve been through this before. Gut aches and tears, right there waiting for those words.

Instead, the text yesterday was “Our 12 week appointment went great. All is well. Heartbeat 155. J still think’s it’s a girl. I think it’s a boy.” And I’m happy for them and I want to distance myself from falling in love again.

My day with my grandson was wonderful, as usual. He grew over the weekend. Now he walks to the refrigerator and says “Milk”. We spent the day doing little things; going to the construction site, watching a excavator dig a big hole, then swinging at the swing park.

He sat in the swing so long that I thought he was ready to sleep. So, I encouraged him to stop (“10 more pushes and then we’re going to stop.”) so we could actually get home for his nap. The ride home woke him up enough that we had time for some lunch and the read several books before his nap.

While he napped, I worked on a video of this past weekend. I had uploaded a song hoping it would be allowed. The words were perfect.

Let The River Run

by Bob Seger

I’ve seen the top, I’ve seen the view

Lately, I find, not much is new.

And there’s always a hill out there beyond

Where I could be, where I belong.

Some always take, some have to win.

They leave you with scars, again and again

As they reach for the sky, only to fall,

They never change. I’ve seen them all.

Let the rivers run, like they always do

It’s not up to me. It’s not up to you.

When we reach the end, when our time is done

Let us all be still while the river runs.

Let the rivers run from the great divide.

I’ll stay with you . I’ll be by your side.

When we reach the end, when the words are done,

Let us listen well, while the rivers run.

It’s a beautiful , truthfully peaceful song and I couldn’t use it in the video. Copyright infringement. So it’s written here as the message that came to me as I was trying to enjoy the beauty of the weekend that was so hard.

When my daughter and her family move, I will go sit by that river. I will listen, well, to the messages that flow off the surface of the water.

But for today, I will go back and enjoy that little boy who is growing right before my eyes, and I will “let the river run, as they always do. It’s not up to me. It’s not up to you.

Last Thing I Wrote Was “Help Me Breathe” And You Did Just That

Journal Entry July 20, 2015  
Part Four of how Morning Pages(my journal) 
helped me process through a change.

Been gone from here for three days. Went to Dancing On The River’s Edge, our little tradition that started when my brother died. Today, I return to dealing with thoughts of my daughter moving away but for three days, I had the beauty of the Wisconsin River, love of friends and family, a little good music, and mosquitos to take my mind off of it all.

I asked you to help me breathe. You did just that.

…Then, I was home; sitting, relaxing. I get a text from my daughter with a request to watch my grandson a couple extra times in the month of August. My heart says “Absolutely”. My mind says, “Let her figure it out without me.” And so the horror of them leaving replaces the beauty of the river, the peaceful flow, the incredible sunsets and sunrises, the sounds of the cicadas and frogs, and the music.

For a moment, I was breathing again. In amongst the stress and commotion of the camping trip, you helped me see that life exists all around me and it’s stunning and beautiful. I just have to open my eyes and look.

Thanks for the reminder.

Every New Beginning Starts By Saying “Good-bye”

Every new beginning starts
By walking away.
It’s finding the inner strength
To let go of yesterday.

Memories want you to linger;
Thoughts of what you leave behind.
Anticipation moves you forward;
Wondering what tomorrow has in mind.

Surround yourself with flowers now.
Something about them calms the fear.
Find a place to just be still.
Let God be ever near.

This new beginning
Is part of the path that’s meant to be.
It leads to future memories;
New joy and happiness. You’ll see.

Every new beginning
Somehow makes you cry
Because every new beginning
Starts by saying “Good-bye”.

For Me

I walk the woods
in silence,
letting my thoughts
lead the way.

Today,
my eyes are drawn
to someone’s
abandoned bouquet.

They’re delicate
in shades of
purple
and white.

I think
they’re simply
beautiful
as they rest there
in the evening light.

Who were they
meant for?
And why were they
just left in this tree?

I let the answer be
simple.
They must have been
for me!

Time To Bloom!

Here I am, waiting for my chance to bloom.
Today, I want the sun to shine on me.
I will be great, if you give me some room;
I want to be the best you’ll ever see!

My child, all my creations are like flowers.
Blooming is just a natural thing to you.
It’s time to be yourself. You have the power.
Trusting in Me is all you have to do.

But I’ve wanted to live out many dreams,
Thinking others were so much better than me;
Prettier, stronger, is how it always seems.
It’s them, I think, I wish that I could be.