Category Archives: Uncategorized

Find A Song

Photo Courtesy of Mark Jung

How can I live in a world
Where outside my window
Birds are singing
And the sun is lighting up my day?

At the same time, bombs are exploding
Structures are ablaze,
Leaving behind death and
The living moving franticly away.

How can it be
That I long for peace
And freedom,
Simple joy in every day?

While there’s another
Who keeps grabbing, rabidly,
For everything.
Pushing the rest of us away.

Outside my window,
The birds continue to sing,
Just living their life
In the middle of all this everything!

And I think,
So should I, and I try
To stay focused on the moment.
I need to find a song to sing.

Oh The Places I’ll Sit

The sun is shining
The temperature is warm
So get out of that chair
It’s gotten impressionistically warn!

Time to get up, get out, 
Put on your shoes and get on your way
I feel the energy
This is going to be a great day!

I go to my woods
I’m ready to walk
But then…I see a robin
Who seemed to want to talk.

 So I sat on a stump
And chatted a bit
I have to admit
It felt good to sit.

But no!   I’m here to get moving
Let’s get back up and go
Well…then I saw the creeping phlox
Putting on this incredible show

I had to take a moment
Just to enjoy it’s delicate charm
I felt that sitting just a bit
Wouldn’t do any harm

Then up I get.  Time to go
I’m movin’ right along
Listening to the birds
Enjoying their individual song.

Oh… but wait,
There’s a willow just beginning to weep
How can I not take a moment
The power of this imagine so deep.

 Then a waterfall reminded me
“Keep moving. Get on your way”
It was so loud and insistent
OK, OK, OK!

I’m walking,
I’m walking.
Working up a sweat

But then…. 

 I saw the turtle and
That was
The end of it! 

Look at the images in the water ripples. What do you see?

 The turtle message is crystal clear
Slow down.
Savor all the little bits
And so I find a good log and…I sit!

The Photos are Mine. The Poem is Mine, but…

The title of the poem has a nod to Dr. Seuss. I just thought that was fun. So then I took pictures of things as I walked and really didn’t look at them closely until I brought them up on my computer. And then, there in the ripples of the water were two characters. I googled Dr. Seuss characters and Yertle the Turtle comes pretty close to the character on the left and although there were no particular dog characters that matched, there was an archived book that came out in July, 2015 that’s called “What Pet Shall I Get”. Dr. Seuss was a dog lover.

Painting With Words

My Creation Station

I have been having fun with a poetry group during this pandemic. Writing one or more poems a week is a good challenge. Throughout the election and the painful weeks leading up to and including the Inauguration, January 20, 2021, many of my poems spoke of fear and anger and frustration. Then, along came Amanda Gorman with her beautiful, bright, truthful but optimistic poem “The Hill We Climb”, and our group was lit on fire!

I Started To Write – Really Write

First I wanted to write a poem like her’s. I wanted it to tell a story. I listened to how she read that poem over and over again and marked up my printed version with hashmarks every time she took a breath. Then I’d practice reading her words out loud, breaking where she broke, running one sentence into another, pausing to emphasize certain words and I realized that hearing the poem, hearing her read it, made the poem come alive!

Hearing The Words

Hearing the words of the poem sounded so much different/better than simply trying to read the words. And I realize that has been what our poetry group has been for each other. We write then we read it out loud to the group. We can emphasize, pause, and then reflect on the poem when finished. It’s magical!

Now WordPress Had A Podcast Version

So there I was, scrolling through my emails when I see one from WordPress saying that I could easily turn anyone of my blogs into a podcast using Anchor. Now, I’m a curious sort of person so I had tried Anchor once before thinking it would be fun to join the podcast craze but I didn’t last long. But now, the idea of marrying my poems with a podcast seems absolutely perfect. So I’m going to give it a try with this week’s poem(s).

WordPress, if this works, I will be a very happy blog/podcast aspiring poet!

Photo by Markus Winkler on Pexels.com

What Really Matters?

IMG_9485This older me, this wiser me…

looks back before I head into this new year.  This older me, this wiser me reflects on one simple question:  “What really mattered in my life?  What really mattered?

Was it to be popular with others my age (first in school, then in my job, then with other parents, and on and on)?  I wanted so much to be popular.  Did that really matter?

Was it to have nice things (clothes, cars, houses, furniture)?  I longed for nice things, worked hard for nice things, my whole life.  Did those things really matter?

I did so much in my life.  I always wanted more.  I had a career, a marriage, children.  I raced from task to task, wanting to be the best for each of them; always longing to be better than I felt I was, feeling less than perfect all the time.

Did it matter?  Did it really matter?

This older me, this wiser me looks back and thinks…

What really mattered was the laughter, the love, the hugs, the conversations, the moments of pure joy.  None of these things had popularity or fashion or money requirements.  They came to me free of charge with only one requirement; I had to give these things back to others.

This older me, this wiser me…

found peace inside, and with that peace came this simple but profound understanding.  I realized, as I looked back on my memories that when I laughed, others laughed.  When I hugged, I got a hug in return.  When I listened to others, others listened to me.  When I shared my moments of pure joy, it made others happy and they, in turn, shared their’s.  When I gave love, I got loved right back.

So, what really matters in this life?

How about if you STOP!  Stop trying to be… and do… and want… and need… something more. STOP! Stop wishing…and hoping… and longing…for something you don’t have. STOP!  Stop believing that being popular, having a great job, making lots of money is what matters…because… it doesn’t.

In the end, the older you, the wiser you will look back… at the laughter… the love…the hugs…the conversations…the moments of pure joy.

And, they were all free to give and freely given in return.

So, this older me, this wiser me says…

This is my gift to you for the new year.  You don’t have to wait to be old to be wise.  Right now, today, you can bring laughter into your day, you can hug someone and listen (really listen) to someone.  And then, try sharing a moment of pure joy.  See for yourself.  See if, by doing these things, you find love.

And, that, my friends, is what really matters…to love!

 

 

The Christmas Letter

S.M.I.L.E - Simple Messages In Life's Eye

IMG_0835

Once a year, I do it. Once a year, I collect my thoughts about how my year has gone and I summarize it the best I can into a Christmas newsletter.

I know, I know! There are so many thoughts about “The Christmas Letter” that you get from others each year. Some are braggadocios: sharing every possible wonderful trip that was taken, how smart and successful their kids are, and how they just moved to a bigger, grander house. Others drone on and on about little things like how well their garden grew last summer. One year, I got a letter from my aunt. She listed every illness, broken bone, surgery, and sadness her family had experienced over the past year and then she ended it with “Merry Christmas”. I couldn’t help it. I laughed!

So, why do I do it? Why do I spend time writing this letter that…

View original post 478 more words

Maybe I Should Take Up Knitting

Journal Entry - July 22, 2015
Part Six of how Morning Pages(my journal) 
helped me process through a change

When I was a teenager, my mom told me that I needed to take up a hobby; something like knitting, embroidery, or crocheting.  She said that if I didn’t, I’d be bored.  Well, I’ve made it for 64 years without any of that yarn but I may be nearing a point. I like having a project to work on and just like with a knitted sweater, I like having a way to give it to someone.

Since Sunday, and our return from the river camping trip, I’ve been working on a video using the photos and some live video inserts.  It should have been an easy task but it was made complicated by pesky copyright violations and 10 second limits on personal video inserts but I learned a lot and last night I was able to load it to Facebook.  As usual, I wish I had taken a moment longer and loaded it to Youtube, it would have looked better.  But, I got excited and anxious to share.  Oh well, it’s done and now I sit in wonder of what my next project will be.  Maybe I should have taken up knitting. 🙂

I sure did like the diversion from sad thoughts of my daughter and grandson leaving. I spent yesterday, then, with my grandson.  He played in the dirt in his pajamas because…why not?  Then, he ran around the house in just a diaper having the time of his life. He just didn’t want to get dressed. The beauty of it was, there was no need for him to get dressed.  Finally, when he realized that we couldn’t go to the construction site without clothes on, he willingly went upstairs.  Then, fully clothed, we took off early to meet up with his mama for lunch.  It took us an hour to go 15 minutes because we had to stop and watch an excavator dig up a sidewalk.  Then, we had to remove all of the rocks from the sand under our favorite swing, and then… swing, of course.  Finally, we had to check the progress on the buildings that are going up in the neighborhood. It was a perfect walk, a beautiful day, a great (peaceful) lunch.

I want my daughter and I to go back to that place, that time.  Instead, our conversation is focused solely on the baby.  What did he do today?  Any new words? Was he a good boy?  I ask nothing about the job interview.  She shares nothing about the status.  I can’t help her with her feelings. She can’t help me with mine. We’re just carrying the burden alone…and it makes me want to vomit. Part of me is saying, “Just go already. Just go!”  The other part of me is holding on to my grandson so tightly.

Why can’t my son-in-law find the perfect job right here? Why do millions of other people find jobs to be close to their families.  Instead, they are moving to be close to a brother he hasn’t seen in three years.

Their new baby…will I know that baby?  Will that baby know me?

I think I need to learn how to crochet.  Maybe those hobbies were  meant to help you cope with grief and pain and loss.  Maybe my mom was right. WHAT?!?

Help Me Breathe!

Journal Entry - July 17, 2015 
Part three of how Morning Pages(my journal)
helped me process through a change.

Yesterday: chilly, ending with rain. Today: windows steamed up, heat arriving.  Supposed to be in the 90’s.  Prepare thyself for sweating it out in a tent tonight and tomorrow night.

Time for the annual (now) Dancing on the River’s Edge.

IMG_2276

Yes, this will be the third year, Chris.  This year, some have taken to the idea and actually invited their friends.  A “Friends of Friends of Friends” party, just like you liked.  It’s exactly what Cindy wanted year one for your memorial celebration.  Maybe, it’s growing into that, maybe!  Be with us this year, ok?  Protect everyone out on their canoe rides.  Protect the children near the water’s edge.  Keep us from making poor choices with too much alcohol.  We love and miss you, Chris – you know, in that special way.  You were one of a kind, that’s for sure.

Night sleeping is interrupted fits of reality.  Are they moving?  Prepare yourself.  Well that means a gut ache every day.  Tears that come on out of the blue because of a random thought. I try to wrap my head around a new form of normal.  Facetime chats, once a week…maybe.  It will seem like they’re right there…maybe.  Maybe I’ll fly there every two months.  Maybe not.

And the new baby.  Will she know me?  Will she be afraid of me?  “Who is this stranger?” she’ll scream.  Well, the shaman said it best; this is not my family to raise.  So stand back, Grandma.  Stand back.  Your help is no longer needed.  Thank you for your service.

Do I sound bitter?  I don’t mean to. What do I really feel like, now?  Right this moment?

Old, I feel old!  I’m entering a dark place.  It’s deep and cold and damp.  It’s scary.  I know there’s light and I should reach for it but I don’t even want to.  I told my daughter that she should take me out of her mind when making the decision to move.  It’s not about me.  I’ll figure it out.  Right now, I want to back far far away…from the hurt.

When my brother was dying, I didn’t want to see him.  I didn’t want to be there to say good-bye.  I don’t want to be with my daughter and her family, now, either.  I don’t want to say good-bye.

I think I need help with this one.  I was wrong when I told my daughter that it’s not about me.  It is about me this time!  It is about me! And, the only place I have to talk about it is here in this journal.  Many other parents have children move away.  They give their blessing and wish them well and move on.  I made my daughters my whole life, especially after their dad died.  Yes, I remarried, but even my new husband knew that my daughters came first.  Always first.

Help me, now, fill this gapping hole that’s being dug.  Help me breathe!

Help Me Breathe

If I Could Talk To The Animals, Learn Their Messages…

IMG_1269
Someone needs your compassionate and loving attention right now and has flagged you down to get it.

Someone told me that I might enjoy reading animal messages when I shared a story about a particular bird seemingly following me around.  So, of course, I purchased not just one book but two:  Animal Spirit Guides by Steven D. Farmer and Animal Speak  by Ted Andrews.  I was intrigued by the thought that animals might be following me around to give me messages from the spirit world. Upon moving to my current residence, I started capturing photos of the animals most present.  One of those was the cardinal.  So, I have read and reread the messages associated with this beautiful bird.

This is my photo collection along with the messages of “The Cardinal” according to Steven Farmer.

IMG_1250
Stop right where you are, observe your surroundings, then notice the sensations in your body.

IMG_1264
This is a very creative time, one where it’s best to heed your intuitive guidance as to how to express this creativity.

IMG_1051
Add color to your life in your home environment, your yard, and in your choices of clothing.

This is a good time to make a fresh exploration of the religion you grew up in, with your eyes and your heart open.

Over the past few years, the messages of the cardinal have been so important as I have navigated my way through this time in my life and I have tried to heed each message.