beauty – Begin Again

Ode To An Autumn Woods

Ode To An Autumn Woods

Oh, autumn woods, I thank you!
So many lessons learned beneath your trees,
You’ve taught me what to do.
You’ve guided with your gentle breeze.
But it’s time.
Your tree’s brilliant colors captivate!
Reds mixed with yellow and hues of green and brown.
You told each leaf that it’s time to celebrate.
Listen! The leaves are applauding all around.
It’s time.
Change is happening. I can see it in the sky.
Summer’s warmth, while so sublime
Now chillingly says “It’s time to fly.”
Time to let go. It’s time…
It’s time.
Then the winds grow still all around
A quiet respect fills the air.
Geese take to the sky with a mournful sound.
“Good-bye”, they seem to share.
It’s time.
Colors explode with each new day.
Trees still filled with brilliant splendor all around.
Then suddenly the leaves exclaim, “I can no longer stay.”
And they drift, unceremoniously, to the ground.
It’s time.
The leaves are now a burden to the tree
But they did their job and they loved it so.
Drifting, floating, suddenly free
They understand. They need to let go.
It’s time.
The sun peaks out from behind a cloud
Shining, now easily, through branches of the tree.
“Don’t be sad”, it seems to say out loud.
“I’ll put sparkle elsewhere, you’ll see.”
It’s time.
Animals are busy, scurrying about
Gathering food to tuck away.
It’s like they’re telling me, “There’s little doubt
We must prepare for another day.”
It’s time.
Plants, dropping seeds everywhere, you’ll find.
They tell us this is how they survive.
They say, “Leave a little bit of yourself behind.
Then you, too, will stay alive.
It’s time.
Oh autumn woods, it’s so hard to say good-bye.
“Don’t worry, my child, you’ll be fine, you know.
It’s time, now, for you to learn how to fly.
You can do it. You just have to let go.
It’s time, you know. It’s time.

Today’s Challenge To Myself

To have a beautiful life,
find the beauty in everything.
Sarah Marie Thompson

Ok, I need to play this out. This is the month from hell. Rethinking it as beauty, is today’s challenge to myself.

My daughter, her husband, and my grandson are leaving.

Sadness	Beauty
I will no longer take care of my grandson 3 days a week.	What a gift it has been to have been allowed to care for him for nearly 2 years.
I will miss the time I have spent with this daughter. She was so insistent that I get involved with her passion. So, I spent time volunteering to stuff envelopes, run errands, and help out at events.	I was able to be part of the magic that is First Stage, a children’s theater academy. I was able to help my daughter but I ended up feeling like part of a greater family.
I worry for my daughter. She has left friends, family, and a job she loved to make this move.	I am proud of my daughter. She loves her husband so much. She is, selflessly, turning the spotlight on him right now. That’s true love.
And the hardest part of all is that they will all be so far away.	Thankfully, there are such things as Face Time now. Video chats can happen every day, if we choose.

I am moving too!

Sadness	Beauty
I somehow found myself renting a place that actually faces a nature preserve. This beautiful space has been my meditation space for 3 years.	I am moving closer to another daughter. We can easily walk to each other’s place whenever we want to.
When I first moved here, the animals that came out of the woods, scared me a bit. Raccoons would peer right into my patio door at night. Now, we have become comfortable with each other. I will miss their visits.	I, now, have such a beautiful appreciation for the gentle nature of animals. They have taught me so much about resilience, risk taking, and simply being gentle with myself. Their messages will live with me forever.
The paths into the woods were just steps away from my back door. Walking these paths has become a time of true meditation.	I have found something that brings me peace when I am troubled. I know, now, that it’s worth a small drive to spend time in such a sanctuary.
Why would I leave such a beautiful place? Rent! My income will not increase but the rent goes up each year. That fact makes it too difficult to stay.	My rent will go down substantially with this move allowing me the extra cash I will need, now, for airline tickets to visit my other daughter and grandson.

You know, I think this worked. Maybe just for the moment but this was a great way to refocus my brain.

Last Thing I Wrote Was “Help Me Breathe” And You Did Just That

Journal Entry July 20, 2015  
Part Four of how Morning Pages(my journal) 
helped me process through a change.

Been gone from here for three days. Went to Dancing On The River’s Edge, our little tradition that started when my brother died. Today, I return to dealing with thoughts of my daughter moving away but for three days, I had the beauty of the Wisconsin River, love of friends and family, a little good music, and mosquitos to take my mind off of it all.

I asked you to help me breathe. You did just that.

…Then, I was home; sitting, relaxing. I get a text from my daughter with a request to watch my grandson a couple extra times in the month of August. My heart says “Absolutely”. My mind says, “Let her figure it out without me.” And so the horror of them leaving replaces the beauty of the river, the peaceful flow, the incredible sunsets and sunrises, the sounds of the cicadas and frogs, and the music.

For a moment, I was breathing again. In amongst the stress and commotion of the camping trip, you helped me see that life exists all around me and it’s stunning and beautiful. I just have to open my eyes and look.

Thanks for the reminder.