Slow Down. Wait For Me!

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Wait for me you guys!

 

Why be in such a hurry?

Let’s enjoy today.

 

 

Remember when days seemed to go so slow?

When waiting for something seemed like an endless chore?  “I can hardly wait until…I turn sixteen so I can drive.. graduate from high school… turn 21 so I can legally drink… graduate from college… get married… have a baby… buy my first house.” And then something happens. All of a sudden, the “I can’t wait until” becomes  “I don’t want to turn 30…40…50…60!  Slow down! Hold on!  Everything is going too fast!”

And then, something inside your head says, “Just breathe.”

You stop for a moment and do just that and it’s like the first time that you actually heard birds singing or saw that tiny flower poking through the ground.  It’s the first time that you stood still and actually felt the warmth of the sun and saw the rays beaming through the branches of a tree. And hearing a baby cry sounds more like a miracle instead of a noise.

Slow down

It’s at this point that you realize that each day is a gift and you have a choice.  You can rush through the day and fall exhausted into bed each night feeling as though you will never ever get everything done and time is passing you by.  Or, you can find it in yourself to slow down and look at everything as a gift.  Today is a gift.  My home, the people who surround me, my health, the food in my cupboards, and that sunshine are all gifts.

Enjoy the moment

Once you allow yourself this moment, you realize that nothing is more important…not yesterday…not tomorrow.  This moment is a gift.  Enjoy it.

 

 

 

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Last Thing I Wrote Was “Help Me Breathe” And You Did Just That

Journal Entry July 20, 2015  
Part Four of how Morning Pages(my journal) 
helped me process through a change.

Been gone from here for three days.  Went to Dancing On The River’s Edge, our little tradition that started when my brother died.  Today, I return to dealing with thoughts of my daughter moving away but for three days, I had the beauty of the Wisconsin River, love of friends and family, a little good music, and mosquitos to take my mind off of it all.

I asked you to help me breathe.  You did just that.

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…Then, I was home; sitting, relaxing.  I get a text from my daughter with a request to watch my grandson a couple extra times in the month of August.  My heart says “Absolutely”.  My mind says, “Let her figure it out without me.”  And so the horror of them leaving replaces the beauty of the river, the peaceful flow, the incredible sunsets and sunrises, the sounds of the cicadas and frogs, and the music.

For a moment, I was breathing again. In amongst the stress and commotion of the camping trip, you helped me see that life exists all around me and it’s stunning and beautiful.  I just have to open my eyes and look.

Thanks for the reminder.

Surrounded By Love

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Everything, in my life, is unfolding as it should, I suppose.

No, I believe!  I am sitting here, on a bitterly cold Friday, feeling the warmth of a blanket but also of my surroundings. And I think, “how did I get here?”

Life’s journey

Hard, emotional bumps; heck, some of those bumps were not bumps at all, they were real honest to God mountains!  My wall carries photos of those mountains as a reminder with the quote that says

“Promise me you will always remember…you are braver than  you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

It’s a quote from Christopher Robin to Pooh.

I sit today, looking out a patio door at a woods filled with deer and the message of the deer is to

“Be gentle with yourself”

I try.  I try. Yet, I carry, with me, baggage.  A friend of mine, from long ago said “Everyone has their own bag of shit.”  It was the bluntness of that comment, I guess, that sticks with me to this day and I’ve even heard my daughter pass that bit of wisdom on to others as well.  And so, it is.  I am not special.  My baggage is not heavier than your’s but I am trying to find a way to carry it so that the weight is distributed evenly, I think.

Yet, at this moment, on this day…

I look around me and I feel so “guided”.  I think that’s the best word.  You know all those times in life when you feel like you are truly being tested?  And, you know that you will choose a path.  You have to!  So many times, I felt as though I had chosen the wrong path but, there I was, so I had to deal with it.  Now, as I reflect back, I see that it was a test. But, I also, feel, now in retrospect, that I heard of voice.

People call it an “inner voice”

It was that voice that gave me strength, power, decisiveness, resilience, and belief in myself. It was that voice that guided me down those paths that felt so wrong.  It was that voice that guided me here.

And so now, I sit here, listening to music by Jonathan Louis called “Follow The Path”; beautiful meditative music that leaves me feeling so blessed at this moment.  I look around me, at this little apartment and

I study the view from my chair

  • On one wall, I have a collage of photos that I captured from my walks in woods.  Those walks helped me learn how to take deep breaths and stay focused on the moment.  Messages surrounded me as I learned how to just listen to that inner voice.
  • The patio door faces that woods and delights me every day with views of life, even on the coldest, snowiest days. The deer pass by daily and cardinals are ever present at the feeders.
  • My “mountain” photos will always be on a wall and serve as a reminder that nothing, in life, comes without struggle,
  • But underneath those photos stand other messages, as well, to remember to be gentle with myself (from the deer) and life is as colorful and creative as you make it (from the cardinal).
  • And then, there are the photos of the people I love most in the world with a little sign that says “You Make Me Happy When Skies Are Grey”. They are my life, right now, and I am so thankful for them.
  • The last place that my eyes rest on, every day, is a table (an old high school typing table) with the exact typewriter used by my mother, not only during her high school class but throughout her life as she creatively captured the moments of her life.  Next to her typewriter stands an owl.  She always gave me owls.  She decided that I was her “wise old owl”.  I think it was because my mother and I never got along that I rejected this as an actual compliment.  I never kept her gifts of owls and, yet now, when I have the ability to place only the things of most importance to me in this room, there sits an owl next to her typewriter.  It is my way of saying “Thank you” to her for being so important in making me the person I am today.

And I think, right now, as I sit here alone,

I am so surrounded by love

So, Where Was I?

Hanging Upside Down

I know. I know.  It’s winter time and I should post a photo of pine trees and snow.  What am I thinking?

Well, what I’m thinking is that this is the 3rd winter in my new life and what I want to write about is how important it is to sometimes turn your life upside down to start over.  Three years ago, I did just that.  Hanging there, upside down, makes everything look different, that’s for sure.  Turns out, though, it’s not a bad difference at all.

So, long…long…long story short – Retire, Divorce, Move, Lose Weight, Become a Grandma.  There’s more but that’s the gist of it.  All in three years.  And, I am here to smile about it because three years ago, I was carrying around weight;  physically, mentally, emotionally, and materialistically. Now, I carry only the things I choose to carry and believe me, it all weighs so much less.

I let go of marriage.  I do not need to be with someone to be complete.  Well, I do have a cat!  I  let go of home ownership.  Do you know that you can just call the office if your toilet overflows and they send someone to clear the clog AND clean up the floor?  I let go of alcohol.  I was kidding myself about how much I was drinking.  I was telling myself that I had no problem with it.  I lied!

Then I started  taking photos of the animals out my back door.  Cardinals, squirrels, chipmunks and DEER!  Amazing photos through that protective glass door.  And then I started reading, and writing.  Animal Speaks by Ted Andrews and Animal Spirit Guides by Steven Farmer.  I didn’t know that there was a way to connect in this way.  The  messages that I read; first of the cardinal, then the squirrels, then chipmunk, then finally that deer helped me gain the courage to actually walk out that glass door and into the woods.

In the woods, I learned to breathe again.  It’s in the woods that I see other symbols of messages, whether they are sent to me or I am just thinking them up as I go, they work to calm my spirit.  Paths are logically symbolic of all the different choices a person has in life; that one was easy.  Then, I found myself looking at trees and seeing the knots and scars of hard lives.  Yet they still reach up towards the light.  I see a pond full of cluttered green mossy bloom and still see that lily push right on through all of it.  I see turtles just going with the flow, and birds singing out happy tunes and flowers blooming any way they want to.

And I am at peace.  Life is good.

Gentle Spirit

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Be Gentle With Yourself

     I walk the woods nearly every day. They know me. We look each other in the eye and I say, “It’s ok. I am a good person.” And then they stand and        wait while I take their picture. They are not afraid.

I walk gently through their home, trying to be respectful of their surroundings. They, in turn, welcome me with that soft, gentle look.

In the books regarding the language of animals, it is said that the deer carry the message that we should be gentle with ourselves. I feel that sense when I look into their eyes. And as I walk on, I feel that message resonate through me. There is no reason for me to be hard on myself. I am just a humble being, here to carry out my life’s mission.

Over time, I have wondered what exactly my mission was. Sometimes, I felt as though I was lost in a sea of carrying out other people’s needs.  Is that my mission?  If so, than I often felt inadequate. With each failed attempt to be the person someone wanted me to be, I feel a sense of guilt, frustration, and anger.  I just want to do my life.

But, what is my life?

And then, here I am greeted by the deer with this message to be gentle with myself.

Finally, I breath deep and say, “Ok, ok.  I hear you.”  I can just take it one step at a time.  I don’t need to know the answers to everything right now.  I can simply believe that things will happen as they are supposed to happen and I will live the life I was sent here to live.

I need to simply love being me.