nature – Begin Again

Find A Song

How can I live in a world
Where outside my window
Birds are singing
And the sun is lighting up my day?

At the same time, bombs are exploding
Structures are ablaze,
Leaving behind death and
The living moving franticly away.

How can it be
That I long for peace
And freedom,
Simple joy in every day?

While there’s another
Who keeps grabbing, rabidly,
For everything.
Pushing the rest of us away.

Outside my window,
The birds continue to sing,
Just living their life
In the middle of all this everything!

And I think,
So should I, and I try
To stay focused on the moment.
I need to find a song to sing.

Oh The Places I’ll Sit

The sun is shining
The temperature is warm
So get out of that chair
It’s gotten impressionistically warn!

Time to get up, get out,
Put on your shoes and get on your way
I feel the energy
This is going to be a great day!

I go to my woods
I’m ready to walk
But then…I see a robin
Who seemed to want to talk.

So I sat on a stump
And chatted a bit
I have to admit
It felt good to sit.

But no! I’m here to get moving
Let’s get back up and go
Well…then I saw the creeping phlox
Putting on this incredible show

I had to take a moment
Just to enjoy it’s delicate charm
I felt that sitting just a bit
Wouldn’t do any harm

Then up I get. Time to go
I’m movin’ right along
Listening to the birds
Enjoying their individual song.

Oh… but wait,
There’s a willow just beginning to weep
How can I not take a moment
The power of this imagine so deep.

Then a waterfall reminded me
“Keep moving. Get on your way”
It was so loud and insistent
OK, OK, OK!

I’m walking,
I’m walking.
Working up a sweat

But then….

I saw the turtle and
That was
The end of it!

Look at the images in the water ripples. What do you see?

The turtle message is crystal clear
Slow down.
Savor all the little bits
And so I find a good log and…I sit!

The Photos are Mine. The Poem is Mine, but…

The title of the poem has a nod to Dr. Seuss. I just thought that was fun. So then I took pictures of things as I walked and really didn’t look at them closely until I brought them up on my computer. And then, there in the ripples of the water were two characters. I googled Dr. Seuss characters and Yertle the Turtle comes pretty close to the character on the left and although there were no particular dog characters that matched, there was an archived book that came out in July, 2015 that’s called “What Pet Shall I Get”. Dr. Seuss was a dog lover.

Call On The Butterfly When It’s Time To Change

It’s Time For A Change

Time to once again find the courage to break free of a self-imposed cocoon. I need you right now, Butterfly. Remind me:

Lighten up. Stop taking everything so seriously. It’s time to make a change. In spite of the challenges, you’ll get through this transition…as always, remember, “this too shall pass”. (Farmer, S.D., 2006)

Ok, ok. I can do this.

Every Single Time, I Freak Out!

I’ve lived long enough to have experienced change before. Many times, actually. Yet, every single time, my brain goes into “freak out” mode. Still, still, I never ever let that fear stop me from making that change! NEVER!

Sometimes, it slowed me down, though, I have to admit. Fear is such a powerful force. And, slowing down is actually not a bad response. So I will say that fear can be a healthy thing, for a time. But, fear should never be used as a REASON to stop you from changing.

So, over my life time, I have learned how to breathe through fear and embrace change.

Praying Through It All

You know, when I was a little kid, I was taught to say specific prayers. Raised Catholic, I endured rosary after rosary and it was called “praying”. I didn’t get it. I wasn’t praying! I was simply barking out memorized lines of a chant. “Hail Mary, full of grace, the lord is with thee…” Over and over again, we would repeat these lines because we needed to ask God for forgiveness for our sins.

It wasn’t until I was older that I actually found the courage to tell my mother that I wanted to just talk to God, not say so many Hail Mary’s and Our Father’s. She did not approve! Still, it was then that I truly learned how to pray. But for years, I didn’t pray because I thought praying was all about asking for something, begging for something and I didn’t think it was right to think that I deserved anything better than anyone else. It was years later that I found that I could actually pray to God in thankfulness. And I did, and I do most every night.

But then there are those times where I am going through a change and my brain is freaking out and I find myself begging for a sign that everything will be ok. It was during one of these “freak out” sessions that I learned of Animal Spirit Guides by Steven D. Farmer. It was at this moment that I felt, for the first time, that I could feel and see guidance from the spirit world. And, for maybe the first time in my life, I felt that I didn’t have to push through a change on my own anymore.

Now, I talk to God but I also talk to family members who have passed before me. I ask them for help freely. And then I pay attention to the signs. Most of the best signs I see in nature with the guidance of the Animal Spirit Guide and a set of cards. Messages From Your Animal Spirit Guide by Steven Farmer is the deck of cards that I use on a regular basis. And when I’m going through a change, I will get messages that may say things that include “go for it” to “slow down” or “step back to see the big picture”.

And Sure Enough, I Get Through It

Yes I do, with the help of my guides, I move through change with strength and conviction but also with thoughtful reflection. Fear does not define me. Fear slows me down. Fear tells me to proceed with caution but I don’t let fear stop me. It’s when I feel fear that I reach out to God and all the spirits of my loved ones and say “I need help with this one. Please, tell me what to do.” And then I listen.

Listen

Pay attention. Messages are all around us. Today, I needed the message of the Butterfly. I am headed into another change.

This Place

Journal Entry - July 30, 2015
Post # 10 of how Morning Pages(my journal) 
helped me process through a change.

Went for a walk in the woods yesterday and took a couple pictures of a hawk. It waited for me to take each photo so of course I had to look up it’s message

“You’re caught up in too many details, so step back so you can get a greater perspective on the situation.
Stay alert and focused on the task before you, eliminating as many distractions as possible.
Spend some time observing and studying the situation and when it’s time for action make it quick and decisive.
Be aware of any personal psychic attacks and be prepared to defend yourself.
Stop trying to change others or the situation and work instead on accepting things as they are.”

Well, doesn’t that message just about say it all, especially the last one. I must accept things that happen. I must not try to change them. It’s not my place to step in front of someone’s life journey. I know that. I do. It just really hard, though, when their decision affects your life. I will try to stay calm and observant.

I love my place right now but I am working to find another. It’s time to reduce the rent and maybe live closer to one daughter. There’s something telling me “it’s time.” Time to not be living alone or at least quite so alone. I look outside, here, and my heart breaks a little just thinking about leaving and I think of all those other times I have moved. I wrap myself up in protective layers and just start packing – one closet at a time. Sorting, discarding, choosing. I take down my “home” – make it uncomfortable to stay in any longer; feeling so uncomfortable to stay that I can hardly wait to escape this place that no longer feels like “home”. Then, I quickly get to the next place so that I can make it feel good enough to spend that first night.

Ok, I’m not leaving yet, but it’s coming. I know it. So, for today, I breathe in the air, take photos of the flowers and the animals. enjoy the quiet meditative peace that has been my backyard and send up praise to the powers that be that I was given this gift just when I needed it most.

This place has provided me with companionship even though I lived alone.

This place guided me through a hard divorce and the sickness and death of my brother.

This place gave me the strength to walk into a gym and hire a trainer; a trainer who was the brightest star I could have had cheering me on as I worked to put physical strength above wasteful, harmful pastimes.

This place gave me a place to come to when I felt the pain of leaving a lifelong career.

This place allowed me to find another job; one the filled that initial void and made me feel necessary, still.

And, it was this place where I celebrated the announcement of my first grand baby.

It was this place, where I’ve been alone, but not alone. I’ve been surrounded by some kind of wonderful energy that has continuously shown me love, guidance, peace, and power!

This place – Thank you, God for showing me the way to this place.

I Write, I Write. Everyday, I Write

Journal Entry - July 26, 2015
Part Nine of how Morning Pages(my journal) 
helped me process through a change.

I write. I write. Every day, I write. Yesterday was everything many dream of. A quiet, peaceful day with nothing to do. And I did nothing. Oh well, that’s not exactly true. I cleaned my little home, then went for a walk in the woods. Someone had told me that mosquitos don’t like the smell of vanilla. I had to try that out. Come to find out, it’s true! It’s a little messy, spreading vanilla extract all over yourself and I walked through the woods smelling like a cookie but it really does repel mosquitos!

Then, back here to just sit and decide what next. I watched a lot of TV and then got sad thinking about my grandson. If they move away, this will be my life everyday. This quiet, peaceful existence…everyday…BORING!!!

I didn’t want to dwell on it. I’m trying to let God handle it. I went to bed early and slept until 5:30 am. It felt great. And now, laying ahead of me, is today. It’s Sunday. Nothing to do. House is clean. Plants watered. Weather beautiful. I’ll walk the woods this morning and maybe again this afternoon. I can’t spend money right now. I need to save for other things.

It’s a strange time, right now, in my head. I’m empty of light. I read through other’s posts and I don’t care. I try to think of something to write and I come up dry. Empty. I wanted to be that person who could help guide others to the light. Right now, I think “Find your own way!” I’m in protective mode. I’m waiting for the bomb to drop. I’m working out how I’m going to respond on that day when I hear the words. I’m trying to be ready in case God’s plan is to move them away. Slow, deep breathes…Slow deep breathes.

When I walk the summer woods, it’s hot and humid and still.

Animals move slowly. Birds sing a little less during the day. I breathe in the oxygen of the leaves and I walk, trying to think of nothing.

Then, in pops thoughts of a brother who died homeless, and an ex-husband who took his own life, and I feel guilt. I should have done more, tried harder, been better.

I’m alone, right now, maybe because I deserve to be!

I need to STOP taking the blame…or the credit for every other person’s journey. I am not that special! Remember? My brother and my ex-husband did as they did of their own accord. To think that I caused it is being pompous. Each of us has our own power to play out our life the way we want. I, right now, have the power to get on with mine! Find other interests, meet other people.

But, right now, I don’t want to. Right now I am choosing to be alone. I am choosing this! It is not a punishment. As I chose, yesterday, to sit and watch TV, I will choose today to maybe do the same.

We’ll see.

The Many Faces Of The Tree

In response to The Daily Post’s weekly photo challenge: “Creepy.”

I looked up and saw eyes staring down at me!

Then, one day, another tree frowned at me!

Can you see a face pushing it's way out of the tree (upper left) with a bit of a heart (lower right) — Can you see a face pushing it’s way out of the tree (upper left) with a bit of a heart (lower right)

Did I Choose That Path or Did That Path Choose Me?

Originally posted in 2015 – Time to revisit this message

My life has been the ultimate journey. I’ve heard it said that your life is a series of choices.

But really:

Do you actually get to plan your trip?

Do you really get to lead your life your way or …

Do you simply follow paths that are laid out for you?

I Was Not A Planner

I remember realizing, during my junior year of high school, that my friends had plans to go to college. What? I hadn’t even given it a thought! Good god! I visited the guidance counselor for the first time, about then, saying something like “HELP! Should I be going to college?”

Two years later, I was in college and started out in the Business School. Why? Because, I don’t know. It sounded like a good idea, and I had to start somewhere. It didn’t take long to realize that I actually hated business classes and there I was, sitting on the floor of my shared apartment, combing through a course catalog trying to find something that sounded interesting. Did I plan on the field of education or was I guided there? I don’t know. Did I choose to leave the field of business or were my lack-luster grades telling me to GET OUT while I still have a grade point average of some kind?

Subtle little messages along life’s pathway are not planned. They’re just there. When I got married, did I plan to get a divorce? Not at all. Yet there it was. And when I retired from thirty plus years in education, did I plan to walk away from a beautiful new house to move to a little apartment? Ummm. NO!

Planning Without A Plan

I’ve never gone on a vacation without some forethought. I choose the destination and pack accordingly. I also take enough money to allow me options once I arrive. However, I never enjoyed vacations where too many things were preplanned. And, it’s been that way with my life as well.

Of course, there is fore thought that goes into choosing a career, getting married, or having children, but beyond that initial “plan” there are no guarantees. And so, I have learned to plan without a plan. I plan for things to change. I plan for surprises. I plan to sometimes be disappointed and sometimes be pleasantly surprised.

Feeling Blessed To Be Alive

I come from a family burdened with heart disease and cancer. My father died when I was in 7th grade, my mother when I was a brand new mom. Since then, two brothers have passed away and one more brother had a severe heart attack and has had triple bypass surgery. Add to all of that, my girl’s father gave up on life, choosing suicide, instead.

I need to simply be thankful for each day. I know that I can not choose every path my life takes but I can choose what I do…today! I choose to be happy. I choose to accept life as it is. I choose to reflect light.

I Choose To Breathe In Positive Thoughts

I produced this video during a time when I could have been depressed. Instead, by some miracle, I found myself living on the edge of this beauty. Some people, who live in this same apartment complex, have never stepped into this woods. They say “It’s too hot! There are so many mosquitos!”

I, on the other hand, chose to follow the paths and listen to the messages that were there to guide my way. If I hadn’t done that, I would never have seen the beauty that lived right outside my back door.

Every New Beginning Starts By Saying “Good-bye”

Every new beginning starts
By walking away.
It’s finding the inner strength
To let go of yesterday.

Memories want you to linger;
Thoughts of what you leave behind.
Anticipation moves you forward;
Wondering what tomorrow has in mind.

Surround yourself with flowers now.
Something about them calms the fear.
Find a place to just be still.
Let God be ever near.

This new beginning
Is part of the path that’s meant to be.
It leads to future memories;
New joy and happiness. You’ll see.

Every new beginning
Somehow makes you cry
Because every new beginning
Starts by saying “Good-bye”.

For Me

I walk the woods
in silence,
letting my thoughts
lead the way.

Today,
my eyes are drawn
to someone’s
abandoned bouquet.

They’re delicate
in shades of
purple
and white.

I think
they’re simply
beautiful
as they rest there
in the evening light.

Who were they
meant for?
And why were they
just left in this tree?

I let the answer be
simple.
They must have been
for me!

Time To Bloom!

Here I am, waiting for my chance to bloom.
Today, I want the sun to shine on me.
I will be great, if you give me some room;
I want to be the best you’ll ever see!

My child, all my creations are like flowers.
Blooming is just a natural thing to you.
It’s time to be yourself. You have the power.
Trusting in Me is all you have to do.

But I’ve wanted to live out many dreams,
Thinking others were so much better than me;
Prettier, stronger, is how it always seems.
It’s them, I think, I wish that I could be.

It’s time. Step out of the shadows of gloom.
You never needed to compete.
You’re beautiful just the way you are.
Now it’s your time to bloom!