photography – Begin Again

This Is A Story About A Robin…But You Have To Wait For It!

No, I’m not going to mention this robin right now. Wait for it.

First, I need to share this:

Yesterday was one of those days; an incredible day that ended with me feeling as though I had real purpose.

It started simply enough with me taking my brother to a doctor’s appointment. It wasn’t any simple appointment though. He was to be scheduled for quadruple bypass surgery. The doctor’s office is in an area unfamiliar to my brother so I offered to meet him halfway and drive him in. The first road was blocked with a bridge out. He instantly panicked but luckily I knew a different route. He was thankful, at that moment, for me. The appointment had a twist. We thought we were to schedule surgery, instead he needs to return to meet, first, with another cardiologist. They have to make his heart strong enough for surgery. My brother has a bit of a short fuse, so luckily I was there to keep everything calm. Then, as we tried to set up a schedule for this additional doctor, I felt that the directions had been listed wrong. I was right! He needed a “heart failure” cardiologist not just a regular cardiologist. It was because I had taken notes during our meeting with the surgeon that I was able to catch this and get it checked out and corrected before we made an unnecessary trip in to the wrong doctor. My brother was safely delivered back to our halfway meeting point and he was calm. My duty was done and he was very thankful. I was pleased.

Second Story:

Then, my sister called. She’s been living through several tough years. She hates her job, also has heart issues, and just recently went through breast cancer surgery. Through all of this, she has had a dream of running her own business; a shop of up-cycled treasures. Last summer, we worked together to try it out by setting up displays at flea markets. That worked well enough but made her tired and disappointed. Still, the spring warmth and sunshine has her longing to try again. With her energy level low, I’d offered to drive to her home every Saturday (75 minutes away) to help get things ready. Then she hears that someone has a booth at an antique mall and would like to split the cost with her. I jumped at the chance to encourage this. “I’ll split the cost with you”, I say. Still it took two weeks before she contacted her friend and followed through with signing a 6 month lease for her half. I was there again this Saturday to price some items and take them over this last Saturday. She begins placement of her treasures and I could see that she was in her happy place. She has an eye for design. She started immediately rearranging the items already there, placing them in ways that compliment their value and then started placing hers. In a little over an hour, we were done and she was pleased. But it was yesterday when she called that there was actual joy in her voice. She had returned to her booth to place a few more items. The owner made a special point of telling her how nice the booth looked. She told her more than once. My sister mentioned it to me five times during our conversation. She then shared a story about this job that she hates. She’s been moved back to the deli area; the area that she had said was way too hard on her. Today she was super busy. Why? Because people are glad she’s back! She was overjoyed! Her hate for the job replaced with a new sense of value. I ended this conversation feeling as though I maybe had a bit of role in moving her towards her dream. She was happier than I have heard her in years. And I smiled.

Third Story And This Is Where The Robin Comes In:

I was sitting down, ready to eat and the phone rings yet again. I see who’s calling and my instinct was to ignore it and go on with my dinner. Instead, I answered. “Jane, you’re my bird lady. You have to help me. There is this robin that has been flying into my window all day long. What is wrong with this bird?” I tell her what I know about this kind of bird behavior but truthfully she really just wants to tell me how frustrating it all was and how she’s tried everything to make it just stop. Then she changes topic a bit and tells me how upset she’s been lately with her life and how she even prayed to God to send someone to help her. At that point, I said that maybe the robin was trying to get a message to her and while she continued to share her despair, I looked up the spirit message of the robin and then stopped her and said, “This is the message from the robin.”

If Robin has flown into your life;
Robin signifies stimulation of new growth and renewal in many areas of life. He teaches that any changes can be made with joy, laughter and a song in your heart. This bird shows you how to ride the winds of passion within your heart and become independent and self reliant through this change. The energy of this bird will teach you how to move forward with grace, tenacity, perseverance and assertion. Are you letting go of personal dramas? Ones that no longer serve your higher purpose? Are you exercising compassion and patience in mental, spiritual and emotional areas? This creature will teach how to incorporate new beginnings with faith and trust in the process. It is time to believe in yourself and use the inspiration that is given. Listen carefully. It is time sing your own song for a new period in your life.

When I finished, I waited for a response and instead heard silence. I was worried that I had gone too far. Perhaps she wasn’t interested in the possibility of animals sending messages to her. But instead, she said, “You have no idea how amazing it is to hear that right now and let me tell you why.” She went on to share how so many things have been out of order in her life for the past months, how she had just told her husband that she needed to do something to change it, to bring back the joy in her life, to find her way back to taking care of herself, how she needed to back away from trying to be everything to everyone else. And then she spoke of how much she missed our time together at the gym we had belonged to and I agreed. We had been healthy and strong and we had both been away from that for too long. We made a plan to meet tomorrow to get some exercise. And then she said, “Well, I asked God to send someone to help me and I never thought it would be a bird!” And she laughed. I smiled and then said, “Maybe God sent me.”

I went to bed last night with a happy heart.

This Place

Journal Entry - July 30, 2015
Post # 10 of how Morning Pages(my journal) 
helped me process through a change.

Went for a walk in the woods yesterday and took a couple pictures of a hawk. It waited for me to take each photo so of course I had to look up it’s message

“You’re caught up in too many details, so step back so you can get a greater perspective on the situation.
Stay alert and focused on the task before you, eliminating as many distractions as possible.
Spend some time observing and studying the situation and when it’s time for action make it quick and decisive.
Be aware of any personal psychic attacks and be prepared to defend yourself.
Stop trying to change others or the situation and work instead on accepting things as they are.”

Well, doesn’t that message just about say it all, especially the last one. I must accept things that happen. I must not try to change them. It’s not my place to step in front of someone’s life journey. I know that. I do. It just really hard, though, when their decision affects your life. I will try to stay calm and observant.

I love my place right now but I am working to find another. It’s time to reduce the rent and maybe live closer to one daughter. There’s something telling me “it’s time.” Time to not be living alone or at least quite so alone. I look outside, here, and my heart breaks a little just thinking about leaving and I think of all those other times I have moved. I wrap myself up in protective layers and just start packing – one closet at a time. Sorting, discarding, choosing. I take down my “home” – make it uncomfortable to stay in any longer; feeling so uncomfortable to stay that I can hardly wait to escape this place that no longer feels like “home”. Then, I quickly get to the next place so that I can make it feel good enough to spend that first night.

Ok, I’m not leaving yet, but it’s coming. I know it. So, for today, I breathe in the air, take photos of the flowers and the animals. enjoy the quiet meditative peace that has been my backyard and send up praise to the powers that be that I was given this gift just when I needed it most.

This place has provided me with companionship even though I lived alone.

This place guided me through a hard divorce and the sickness and death of my brother.

This place gave me the strength to walk into a gym and hire a trainer; a trainer who was the brightest star I could have had cheering me on as I worked to put physical strength above wasteful, harmful pastimes.

This place gave me a place to come to when I felt the pain of leaving a lifelong career.

This place allowed me to find another job; one the filled that initial void and made me feel necessary, still.

And, it was this place where I celebrated the announcement of my first grand baby.

It was this place, where I’ve been alone, but not alone. I’ve been surrounded by some kind of wonderful energy that has continuously shown me love, guidance, peace, and power!

This place – Thank you, God for showing me the way to this place.

I Write, I Write. Everyday, I Write

Journal Entry - July 26, 2015
Part Nine of how Morning Pages(my journal) 
helped me process through a change.

I write. I write. Every day, I write. Yesterday was everything many dream of. A quiet, peaceful day with nothing to do. And I did nothing. Oh well, that’s not exactly true. I cleaned my little home, then went for a walk in the woods. Someone had told me that mosquitos don’t like the smell of vanilla. I had to try that out. Come to find out, it’s true! It’s a little messy, spreading vanilla extract all over yourself and I walked through the woods smelling like a cookie but it really does repel mosquitos!

Then, back here to just sit and decide what next. I watched a lot of TV and then got sad thinking about my grandson. If they move away, this will be my life everyday. This quiet, peaceful existence…everyday…BORING!!!

I didn’t want to dwell on it. I’m trying to let God handle it. I went to bed early and slept until 5:30 am. It felt great. And now, laying ahead of me, is today. It’s Sunday. Nothing to do. House is clean. Plants watered. Weather beautiful. I’ll walk the woods this morning and maybe again this afternoon. I can’t spend money right now. I need to save for other things.

It’s a strange time, right now, in my head. I’m empty of light. I read through other’s posts and I don’t care. I try to think of something to write and I come up dry. Empty. I wanted to be that person who could help guide others to the light. Right now, I think “Find your own way!” I’m in protective mode. I’m waiting for the bomb to drop. I’m working out how I’m going to respond on that day when I hear the words. I’m trying to be ready in case God’s plan is to move them away. Slow, deep breathes…Slow deep breathes.

When I walk the summer woods, it’s hot and humid and still.

Animals move slowly. Birds sing a little less during the day. I breathe in the oxygen of the leaves and I walk, trying to think of nothing.

Then, in pops thoughts of a brother who died homeless, and an ex-husband who took his own life, and I feel guilt. I should have done more, tried harder, been better.

I’m alone, right now, maybe because I deserve to be!

I need to STOP taking the blame…or the credit for every other person’s journey. I am not that special! Remember? My brother and my ex-husband did as they did of their own accord. To think that I caused it is being pompous. Each of us has our own power to play out our life the way we want. I, right now, have the power to get on with mine! Find other interests, meet other people.

But, right now, I don’t want to. Right now I am choosing to be alone. I am choosing this! It is not a punishment. As I chose, yesterday, to sit and watch TV, I will choose today to maybe do the same.

We’ll see.

For Me

I walk the woods
in silence,
letting my thoughts
lead the way.

Today,
my eyes are drawn
to someone’s
abandoned bouquet.

They’re delicate
in shades of
purple
and white.

I think
they’re simply
beautiful
as they rest there
in the evening light.

Who were they
meant for?
And why were they
just left in this tree?

I let the answer be
simple.
They must have been
for me!

Time To Bloom!

Here I am, waiting for my chance to bloom.
Today, I want the sun to shine on me.
I will be great, if you give me some room;
I want to be the best you’ll ever see!

My child, all my creations are like flowers.
Blooming is just a natural thing to you.
It’s time to be yourself. You have the power.
Trusting in Me is all you have to do.

But I’ve wanted to live out many dreams,
Thinking others were so much better than me;
Prettier, stronger, is how it always seems.
It’s them, I think, I wish that I could be.

It’s time. Step out of the shadows of gloom.
You never needed to compete.
You’re beautiful just the way you are.
Now it’s your time to bloom!

The Right Path

Today’s the day, I find my way.

Today’s the day, my path will clear.

Today is different than yesterday,

Today, I walk with you near.

Child, the other paths weren’t wrong,

Each one helped you to find your way.

You say you searched for me so long,

But, I’ve been with you every day.

Thank you, then, if you’ve been my guide.

I’m always here, right by your side.

If I Could Talk To The Animals, Learn Their Messages…

Someone needs your compassionate and loving attention right now and has flagged you down to get it.

Someone told me that I might enjoy reading animal messages when I shared a story about a particular bird seemingly following me around. So, of course, I purchased not just one book but two: Animal Spirit Guides by Steven D. Farmer and Animal Speak by Ted Andrews. I was intrigued by the thought that animals might be following me around to give me messages from the spirit world. Upon moving to my current residence, I started capturing photos of the animals most present. One of those was the cardinal. So, I have read and reread the messages associated with this beautiful bird.

This is my photo collection along with the messages of “The Cardinal” according to Steven Farmer.

Stop right where you are, observe your surroundings, then notice the sensations in your body.

This is a very creative time, one where it’s best to heed your intuitive guidance as to how to express this creativity.

Add color to your life in your home environment, your yard, and in your choices of clothing.

This is a good time to make a fresh exploration of the religion you grew up in, with your eyes and your heart open.

Over the past few years, the messages of the cardinal have been so important as I have navigated my way through this time in my life and I have tried to heed each message.